I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
