My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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