it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
