Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
