How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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