just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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