Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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