I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
