Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
