just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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