Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
