I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I die, sorry about rent.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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