In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
