Just cropdusted the office
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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