So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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