Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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