I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
