Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
