HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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