I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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