@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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