Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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