Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
