Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
