i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I smell stomach acid.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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