you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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