Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
