I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
