My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
