something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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