Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
