I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
