At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize