my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
