Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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