i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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