i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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