If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
