I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
