You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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