This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
