walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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