New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
