im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
