i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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