So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize