i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This is my gift to your gina
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
