pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
