I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think my moral compass just broke
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