"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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