i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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