She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
