if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
