we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you would pick up someone in the library
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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