I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
