Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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