he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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