Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you inspire me to be a worse person
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
