new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
honey bunches of taint.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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