Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
