i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
