I want to walk on stilts...naked
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
