no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
