I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
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Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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