His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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