Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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