Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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