Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have tasted many bathrooms
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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