dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
