how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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