You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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